Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Fire

Men have always been in some sort of trouble. But whether or not that they are to be blamed for is a whole different question. Manipulation is a useful tool and can be applied at the most appropriate of times. It’s sometimes also known as ‘emotional blackmail’. For years now, and probably still mysteriously so to men, women have managed to deceive and manipulate all degrees of their affection. Whether it had been sweets from the chubby boy in kindergarten, extra pocket money from dad or a pair of LV shoes from a courting suitor, women-folk have had the magical touch of charming their way into getting things done her way.

Women are natural-borne fighters. But unlike our testosterone-bidding half, we are embedded with a chip of stealth, subtlety and, which what most men fail to own, a perfect sense of timing. Psychology professor and former WAC Captain Gladdy Adams commented, “I studied Russian and German women in WWII and I know the history of ancient woman as warriors. There is nothing more brutal, cruel and cunning than the female in battle. Look through historical accounts from America to Asia to the Africa to the Middle East – men fear women in combat.”

Which goes to show how war strategies are actually the best-to-bag strategies to getting what we want in the most tactful and efficient manner. The oldest military treatise in the world was written by Sun Tzu. Not only is it an intelligent way to approach business competition (which is most popularly known to be used for in the modern age), it can be extremely priceless in the art of manipulation. As the wise general once mentioned, “all warfare is based on deception.”

So when Sun Tzu said: “You may advance and be absolutely irresistible, if you make for the enemy's weak points.”
I say: Know your man’s weakest hours. Men are weakest when distracted like during a football match or upon reaching orgasm. Learn from Charlotte York from one of the episodes in Sex and the City when she caught Harry totally off-guarded with a religious question during sex. She succeeded in reaching her goal if not only for a couple of hours. But unlike men, we have the ability to multitask. Approach your man at the height of his excitement with confidence and practiced-to-perfection charm and tell him you would like to have that new Marc Jacobs handbag (with the $40 000 price tag).

Sun Tzu said: “If we do not wish to fight, we can prevent the enemy from engaging us ... all we need do is to throw something odd and unaccountable in his way.”
I say: As the saying goes: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Go for the sugar coated approach rather than being an angry nag. You’ve known since you were six that you can’t change someone with aggression. Silent treatments, threats or guilt trips aren’t going to work up his consciousness to throw out the garbage. Throw him off balance with something totally unexpected. Here’s a bright idea: grill hubby a big fat steak and serve it naked – either way he’s cornered. Sex and food are men’s biggest weakness and also his biggest downfall. If going naked isn’t quite your thing, spice it up a little with a Playboy bunny costume. If that doesn’t do it, wash his car with a little twist – you guessed it – naked. So what if the neighbours are watching? You may draw up a fan club.

Sun Tzu said: “By holding out advantages to him, he can cause the enemy to approach of his own accord; or, by inflicting damage, he can make it impossible for the enemy to draw near.”
I say: We already know from the first two instances that baiting can be a powerful magnetism to capture the ‘enemy’. If all else fails and The Husband starts believing that you are one of the characters in the new horror flick ‘Psychoville’, then prepare to throw guilt-grenades. A report of the Brookings Institution in Washington, D.C., on women and the military stated, “the army has discovered that women throw hand grenades more accurately than men and are better with small arms. Cry, blame, withdraw and then punish him by withholding affection. This usually incites guilt from the ever sex-hungry husband who is probably be oozing with apologies.

Sun Tzu said: “If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, [so] that he may grow arrogant.”
I say: We’ve made films for centuries that brought the love-goddess-child-women out of bored and lonely housewives. Type up the word “Sex Goddess” in google.com and among the few names you’ll find will be Marilyn Monroe and Bridgett Bardot. Would Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) have succeeded in reducing cocky Ben Barry (Matthew McConaughey) into a blubbering mass of pulp in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days if she hadn’t cooed and pout? We think not. Flash your Meg ‘honey-I-want-that-dress’ Ryan pout and he’ll soon be flashing his MasterCard. There are some things indeed money can’t buy. Call women love queens or bewitching hags but men have been worshipping the idea of infantile, helpless, emotional, weak, clinging and compliant females as sex objects for centuries. In our helpless child-women ways, he’ll find his silver armour.

Herb Goldberg, Ph.D., author of the New Male-Female Relationship said, “… my wife to whom I’ve been married for 21 years and I were in a restaurant late at night. Some young punk made some remarks to her. She never did tell me exactly what he said. She demanded that I take action. Well, yes, I scared the hell out of him and he ran away. Do you think I enjoyed my meal? I shook all the way through it. I expected a gang of guys to be waiting when we got out. All through the meal I fingered my pocketknife and planned street-fight strategy. Nothing happened. Do I like the macho role? Hell no! But who else is there? I will play any role my wife wants me to play. Though she can do almost anything I can, I’m still the one she looks to for protection.”

The weaker a man perceives you to be, the more he will feel compelled to defend you and to prove himself in order to keep your love. To sum that up, let your man think that there is a fire-breathing dragon at your door. If you play the part of the fainting maiden well enough, you’ll be on your way to Honolulu.

What Sun Tzu never said (well, not in text anyway) was never to underestimate the power of sex. Most women have probably already realized that sex can be sometimes used as a stringed-carrot for men (who we can all agree to be somewhat an ass). We have been granted the gift of control, and needless to say, the power to control men. The fact that we are more of sensual beings rather than sexual ones is seen when we can do without sex for long periods of time. You don’t hear quite as much of a man going on a two-year sexual dry spell compared to a woman do you? Don’t fret honey, dangling your sexuality as a prize pays off more than you’d ever know.

Just one final word of wisdom from the warfare expert (and to be fair to all the poor sweet husbands out there):
Sun Tzu said: “There is no instance of a country having benefited from prolonged warfare.”
I Say: Give your man a break. If it’s movie night and he wants to watch that gory new show that swears and bleeds profusely, then by all means, give it in. There will be other days when you can watch Daniele Steele’s Jewels. Pick up the tab for dinner once in a while or let your husband wear his premium IT t-shirt with socks and slippers if he feels like it. Most important of all, treat him with respect and dignity and not with deception and manipulation. He is an independent, thinking being with his own set of needs and wants – just as you are. Isn’t marriage after all much more pleasant when you’re not at war?