What Did I Get Myself Into This Time?

I'm not too clever because I got myself into the same mistake twice. Maybe it's a problem of self-control. And then it could the inability to say No. I'm the world's biggest sucker. And I'm cheap.

My friends thinks I dig these holes for myself. I can't really argue with that. The odds are against me (it's usually 3-to-1). It's a vicious cycle of committing to something without knowing exactly what it's about and when I do, it's 'not nice' to back out. So I take it on, on top of my existing load; I get cranky, grumpy, incredibly frustrated. I keep thinking the people are mad. Just insane. They're off their rockers. How can it be done? What on earth do they think they're doing? But I do it anyway. It goes on every week for six months until the whole campaign is finally over and then I think 'Ah, it wasn't so bad'. I tell my friends how it was actually quite cool. The people I met. How unbelievably amazing they are. How some of them liked my work. All the happy faces. All the happy stories. Satisfied smiles.

Then someone else comes up to me and says, hey, do you want to help me on this campaign? And I say, hell, OK!

Geez. The whole cycle starts again. My friends sits in Starbucks with an Orange Poppyseed cupcake listening to me lamenting the same things. 'These people are mad! Just insane. They're off their rockers. What on earth do they think they're doing?'
Sigh. They roll their eyes and tell me, maybe I should think I'm the one that's nuts.

Hrm... supportive. The odds are still against me.

But interestingly enough I've learned much from these projects. I realized quite a bit. I think it is possible to do something out of nothing. That as long as you have hope and faith. As long as you dream and take baby steps. As long as you keep trying no matter how many dead ends you meet, bumps in the walls, scrapes on the knees, tears on the pillow. Anything is possible.

The most important combination - the killer cocktail - that is a sure-win is Dedication and Passion. It is not passion that equals to 'hrm, this is an interesting idea. I like it'. It is 'I think this is a GREAT idea. Let's do it! NOW!' It is also patience and steel-like persistence. It is also also constant self-reassurance that things will happen. And the ability to transform all the 'you can't do its' into 'you cans'.

We lose sight of our childhood ambitions. Some of us may have wanted to conquer the world. Fly! Discover a cure to save the world! Do something life-changing! But as we grow up, we get caught up with the Joneses. We're too busy to think about world conquering plans now. There's no time to fly. Why bother saving the world when we can't even save ourselves. You want to improve life? Let's improve that weight or that wrinkle. Change? The only thing left to change are diapers and jobs.

Sometimes, we need old Dreamers in this world to make us believe that there is still a need to Dream, Act and Hope.

Last night when I was plagued with worry from What-Did-I-Get-Myself-Into-This-Time? I closed my eyes sleepily and heard a comeback line... Why Not?